Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
