Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Watching her eat just hurts me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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