If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As shirtless as possible
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
