I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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