Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Enjoy the penises
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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