I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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