Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize