WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
