He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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