You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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