i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
