Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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