I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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