The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
