I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
