So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
