I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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