So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
