Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
