About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize