did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize