I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
