I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
