I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Let's paint friendship bongs
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
