This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
