I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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