Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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