to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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