I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
