yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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