You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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