yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
