Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
