I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
