the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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