I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
