He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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