I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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