It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
