Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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