Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
