I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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