The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So drunk its hurt
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
