A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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