you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
