Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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