i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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