Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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