That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
