I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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