Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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