i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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