i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
