Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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