Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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