loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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