im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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