My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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