Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
