also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
