***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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