discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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