Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
