I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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