i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
