She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
