Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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