I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
