I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
handjob tips. give me some.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
