I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am available for nakedness
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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