Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
