isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
