Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
