i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
