I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize