need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
