it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
