Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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