areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
