The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
