I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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