Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
