i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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