Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
