have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize