if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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