bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
