Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sarcasm needs its own font
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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