remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
