he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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