we have pet lesbian snakes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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