She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
