I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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