love makes seman taste better
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
