i was born a porn star she said
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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