My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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